Here is the third installment in my favorite tweets series. Includes tweets from Joel Mchale, Conan O'brien, Dane Cook, Kevin Mchale, Michael Buckley and several more. Like I said before if you aren't following them do so as soon as possible.
I just thought too long about deviled eggs and had to run to the bathroom.
i think i just spent the last 45 mins rating movies on netflix. how sad.
"i may be a bitch, but i'm not a little bitch"
I dont like the word abortion. I prefer the term cancelled baby.
I'm so happy that was just an earthquake this morning. I thought I was having a Paranormal Activity moment.
Bingo! I just figured out how Chevy and I got the same cold! We've been sharing the needles!! Duh!
"Honey, if I don't have time to answer your email, I definitely don't have time to walk over to your desk"- Phyllis to Angela on The Office
Time heals all wounds. Except decapitation. Thats pretty much a non healing situation no matter how much clock your runnin'.
Sweet victory! I'm now trending higher than my twitter nemesis, Justin Bieber. Who's the tween heartthrob now?
I just learned that retweets of my Bieber tweet mentioning Bieber actually help Bieber. Bieber, you're a worthy foe. Bieber.
Dear Disney on Broadway, I fully accept your offer to be Pinocchio...as soon as you ask.
Im about 2 party like its March 20th, 2010. Quick. Someone write a song about it.
As Bieber sleeps, I grow stronger. Sleep, Bieber. Sleep.
Grace: "Daddy, why is that doggy giving that other doggy a piggyback ride?" Me: "Well, that's just the canine's style."
Note to self: While on the treadmill you may lip-sync to the songs on your iPod but DO NOT dance along. You look like an idiot.
'Incarnaciooooon! I ate some bugs, I ate some grass, I used my hands to wipe my tears! No no nono way jose!' -NACHO
I've been thinking about losing my virginity again.
I miss the days of cutting class. Might take a few college courses just 2 blow'em off&go hangout under the bleachers w/ Sandy Dumbrowski
The way Ricardo feels about Isabella is how I feel about LOST.
http://twitpic.com/1avdlj - This is down the street from where we're rehearsing. I guess nothing sells liquor like a maniacal circus clown.
I hearby give permission to head-butt any and all 'too-close-talkers' today.
Found out today that you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger.
People who work in the television business who say they don't own a television irk me. "I'm a roofer, but I live outdoors." Puh-leeze.
sklfjslj;v999[aeae0c (my dog's first tweet)
I'm half hopeless romantic. Half sexual beast. I want to fuck the love out of you.
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